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Joke of the Day

"[teenage girl reading horoscope tweets] ""Gemini's go to sleep when they are tired"" HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO ME"

"A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says... ""Why the long face?"" The horse says, ""My wife was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer."" The bartender says, ""Holy shit! A talking horse!"""

"I'm on a new diet where I can only eat and drink things where I know what the ingredients mean. I can now tell you every ingredients use in Cheetos, how it's obtained, and the molecular structure."

"Want to get rid of your husband without killing him? Just send him to the grocery store & ask for pine nuts. Mine has been gone 6 years."

"dumbledore: our enchanted ceiling shows us wat the sky outside looks like mcgonagall: so...a magic glass ceiling dumbledore: [starts sweating]"

"*maintains eye contact while checking 'Dating Librarians For Dummies' out from the library."

"Numerators can recover the fastest from break-ups. They're always over it."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent."

"Photo Of The Day:- No Matter How Smart You Are, You Will Fall For This (See Photo)"

"Did you hear about the author who wrote a book during her time of the month? It was a period piece."