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Joke of the Day

"Don't forget to make the strands of dead cells growing from ur skull look cute so u can attract a potential mate."

"So my science teacher started class today with ""Relative Dating....."" It's like prom night in Kentucky."

"What do canes and blue pills have in common? They're both ready for use when a man is limp."

"TRUMP: I'm gonna lose, huh? RYAN: Yes. [silence] TRUMP: Thank God. RYAN: I know TRUMP: I'd be SO bad at it RYAN: We literally all might die"

"4yo: You're a good dad. Me: Thanks. 4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more. Me: Okay. 4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said."

"See you later masturbater Afterwhile pedophile"

"I like my coffee how I like my slaves. Made by slaves."

"Who would win in a fight between Muhammad Ali and Stephen Hawking? Parkinson's"

"What did the Italian say to his grandmother with alzheimer's? fugetaboutit!"

"Women are like swimming pools... ...both are too expensive for the time you spend inside..."