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Joke of the Day
"My phone autocorrected ""killed"" to ""kilt""... Well plaid, phone... Well plaid."
Next Joke
"[God wakes up] oh man i am hungover, what'd i do last night? [sees that goats have the ability to scream now] haha oh yea"
"What's the difference between being hungry and being horny? Where you put the cucumber...."
"When I found out Carl was a beekeeper I stopped loaning him bees."
"Thought of a '2 guys walk into a bar' joke A gay guy and Sam Adams walk into a bar. The gay guy drank some Sam Adams. But only Sam Adams had alcohol that night."
"I'm pretty sure if Flo from Progressive and Jake from State Farm hooked up, the universe would explode."
"[at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait."
"A Little evidence and inconclusive test findings is not good enough for scientist... But a little evidence and inconclusive test findings is pretty good measurement for scientist."
"The Queen shouted at some pigeons and they died. Talk about killing two birds with one's tone."
"Miss Piggy was arrested for smoking weed. When the cops asked her what she was thinking she replied, ""Kermit said he wanted baked ham for Christmas."""