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Joke of the Day

"Last night someone bashed my car window & stole my purse so I hope this thief enjoys his 17 tampons, stale gum & Sephora rewards card."

"People that don't tweet for months and then show up like nothing happened... Was it jail? I bet it was jail."

"Know what OBGYN stands for? OBGYN: Oh Boy! Got You Naked!"

"Eat local. Your neighbor's food."

"My girlfriend used to do flashy shows on a chair for me. It was electrical."

"The new French tanks have 14 gears 13 go in reverse and 1 goes forward in case the enemy attacks from behind."

"My grandfather's final words before he kicked the bucket were... ""I'm gonna kick this bucket!"""

"I feel like the length of my twitter name is juuuuuust wedging me out of many MANY #FF tweets #delusional"

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None because it's already lit fam ^I'm^^so^^^sorry"

"TIL Doctors can screen for STDs by placing a feather along the skin between the penis and the butthole. Doctors don't use this screening method, however, because the test tickles."