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Joke of the Day

"Good thing I don't see any political posts on my news feed In fact, my Myspace friends haven't really posted much since 2010."

"Take your time, Officer. I have nothing but respect for the law. Your imminent death on this dark side street can wait."

"''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar"

"NASA spent 1.5mil on a pen that works in space. Russia putin a pencil."

"What can you get off with your finger that you can't get off with steel wool? Your girlfriend."

"What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew? One gets a badge for lighting stuff on fire, while the other gets a badge for being lit on fire."

"Viagra shipment stolen... Hardened criminals on the loose."

"When people do a bunny impression they go straight for the cute little front paws. Not me. I fearfully sprint into traffic."

"I love to give homemade gifts, which one of my kids do you want..."

"Sometimes I think these Kardashians are just doing stuff for the attention."