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Joke of the Day

"Flying today and asking myself a question I used to save for first dates: Should I let them see me naked or just feel me up?"

"I've been told I have to tell a joke about barometers... Ooh, the pressure."

"If u ever rob someones house just bring guacamole that way if they catch you you can just yell surprise and tell them they're having a party"

"I scream. You scream. We all scream. We're being chased by bears. Life is a nightmare."

"The bartender says ""sorry, we don't serve time travellers here"" A time traveller walks into a bar."

"What do you call it when Muslim men play naked twister? Dinner entertainment at Guantanamo Bay"

"Two termites go on a date.. Waiter: what would you like to order sir? Termite: Table for two."

"Badly built roofs... Are exactly why I have truss issues"

"What's gonna happen if Hilary Clinton gets elected as President. The kitchen staff are gonna wonder why she's missing."

"If Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump are in a boat and it capsizes. Who survives? America."