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Joke of the Day

"Flying today and asking myself a question I used to save for first dates: Should I let them see me naked or just feel me up?"

"I would tell you a pizza joke... I would tell you a pizza joke but that would be too cheesy. Funny no?"

"Why did Jesus drop out of the carpentry business? He got too attached to his work."

"Worst Betrayals in History: - Judas turning on Jesus - Brutus helping to murder Caesar - Verizon guy going to work for Sprint"

"Yo mommas so fat. She stood on the scales and the number displayed was above average."

"""I'm liking where this is going"" I said, pointing to a potato chip making its way toward my face."

"Tofu is really overrated It's just a curd to me."

"A twelve year old girl finishes her bath in the Atlantic. She goes to her eight year old sister and starts a fight with her. And thus we have Ocean's Twelve vs. Hateful Eight."

"""If I should die before I wake, please don't draw any dicks on my face."""

"My uncle knew the exact moment when he was going to die, down to the last second. Isn't that amazing? The judge told him"