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Joke of the Day

"""Knock knock"" If you hear knocking come from your screen then you definitely need to go and see an expert."

"That shitty moment when you finally get comfy in bed then realize the lights are on."

"Why did the vegetables hop into the boiling pot of water? They were part of a stewicide pact."

"""Daddy, do butterflies have really small penises?"" Parenting books didn't prepare me for that. And I am *not* Googling ""butterfly dicks."""

"Why did god invent yeast infections? So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt!"

"I know my mum has a dildo because I hear her drawer slam shut every night before she switches off her light in the next room... ...I wish this was a joke."

"I don't think you act stupid, I'm sure it's the real thing."

"Do you know what is heart warming? That even the most Orthodox Jew, and the cruelest of all the people of Al-Qaeda, will look for the same thing once they get down from a plane. A Synagogue."

"What do you get a kid without arms for Christmas? Gloves, but he doesn't know that yet.. since he can't open it."

"Did you hear about the sick ghost? He had oooooo-ping cough."