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Joke of the Day

"I hate how every single day my ex wife just keeps waking up!"

"Another gorgeous fall morning I wish I was sleeping through."

"If a woman puts me in the friend zone I immediately borrow money from her and never pay it back because that's what friends do."

"Car broke down. Seen enough Man vs Wild to survive. 20mins later when the tow truck showed up I was drinking urine out of a poodle's skull."

"Coordinate geometry is terrible. I failed the last test, but it turns out that the next unit continues it. Will I ever get distance from it?"

"*tucks an errant lock of my gynecologist's hair behind her ear with my toes*"

"Why did everyone trust the marsupial? Everything he said was troo"

"I want a romantic comedy trailer that starts, ""Ben was looking for love in all the wrong places,"" and then shows Ben digging up a grave."

"me: [seductively ignores and stays away from you to let you know i'm into you]"

"What do a democratic Asian and a gay guy have in common? They both love an erection"