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Joke of the Day

"If two people on opposite sides of the world drop a piece of bread on the ground at the same time the Earth briefly becomes a sandwich"

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"Interviewer: says here you're a sniper Me [opening gun case]: affirmative Interviewer: is that a Supersoaker with a Pringles can taped to it"
"Yo mama so fat when she tripped over on 4th Ave she landed on 12th"
"What was Lincoln's worst decision as President? He should have asked for a table, instead of a Booth"
"Q: What is 61 to a blonde? A: She wants 8 (ate) more."
"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."
"I moisturize my hands with KY gel... ...that way everybody gets a warm welcome."
"[my first day hosting shopping channel] ""for those of you who love coconut, boy do we have a product for you"" [holds up a coconut]"
"Him: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) screen the applicants. Me: I'd be happy to (using finger quotes) testify in the harassment suit."
"""Just Be yourself"" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well."