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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend said to me ""sex is better on holiday""... That wasn't a very nice postcard to receive."

"Agitated I encountered a very nervous flea He said he gets his sleep in snatches."

"No matter how long I wait to pretend I just noticed the other person walking toward me in a long corridor, I always nod too soon."

"Why do blacks smell? So blind people can hate them too."

"What did Chewy say after episode VII? I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo, I'm riding solo solo"

"What's another word for slaughterhouse? Lumbar mill."

"I told my doctor I was addicted to Twitter He said ""I don't follow you"""

"I would watch a reality show that's nothing but goth kids trying not to smile while riding on a jet ski."

"A month before my grandfather died we decided to cover his back in lard. After that he went downhill very quickly."

"I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'"