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Joke of the Day

"1-buy waterbed 2-fill with wine 3-get Capri Sun straw 4-never leave your bed again"

"Want to send a 4-year-old boy into a blind rage? Repeatedly tell him he's wrong and you are positive their names are ""Batman and Robert""."

"if cops want to catch serial killers why don't they just hang out at petsmart and follow home the guys that buy tarantulas"

"The cops came to my door to give me a ticket for a dog at large. They say he was chasing a kid on a bike. I said, ""that's not true, my dog can't ride a bike."""

"A horse walks into a pub and the bartender says, ""hey we've got a drink named after you"". The horse responded, ""what, Eric, really""?"

"I'm so confused when the TV voice before a show I'm about to watch says, ""For mature audiences only."" Can I watch or not?"

"What type of objects do not accelerate, regardless of the force applied? Letterhead and envelopes. No matter how hard you try, they remain stationery!"

"People often ask me if weed hurts memory I'd tell them but i don't remember."

"I now know I'm getting old. I was watching some porn the other day and thought to myself wow that's a nice bed."

"The moral of World War 2 Two wrong don't make a right, but three Reichs make a left"