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Joke of the Day

"I can't believe Penn State took the Joe Paterno Statue down. They should have just turned it so it looked the other way."

"I tried a beer this weekend brewed with rabbit... It was a bit too hoppy for my taste."

"Me: you want to end the date night with some bubbly? Wife: sure *I pour vinegar and baking soda into the volcano* Wife: this is so romantic"

"Emails So I had to stop redirecting my emails to the girls in my class. They said I was being too forward."

"I can't stand pedophiles - Fucking immature assholes."

"[talks about how badass wolves are for 20 mins] date: can we talk about something else? [pulls out powerpoint on why wolves are badass] No"

"Therapist: Do you project your problems onto others? Me: Don't flip out, but I feel like you're asking me that to make yourself look smart."

"A black woman called Betty came into my restaurant the other day... She asked, ""Is there any chicken on the menu?"" I replied, ""No black Betty, it's ham or lamb"""

"How Gabe Newell counts to 10 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"

"When I see your face, there's not a thing I would change .... except the direction I'm walking in."