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Joke of the Day

"I asked my trainer ""Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?"" He pointed outside and said ""The ATM machine"""

"AMA Request: Someone who has successfully committed suicide."

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"

"What do they call the Hunger Games in Africa? Tuesday."

"What's the difference between a musician and a large cheese pizza? A large cheese pizza can feed a family of four."

"Who needs a girlfriend when I have my right hand..... To make me sandwiches :)"

"Man walks into a bar... mitzvah. There was no beer so he left lol"

"Will Will Smith Smith? Yes... Will Smith will smith"

"Did you hear about the haunted burlesque theater? Things went bump and grind in the night."

"Why don't blind people sky-dive? (from ""Money Train"") Because it scares the shit out of their dogs."