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Joke of the Day

"Man walks into a bar... mitzvah. There was no beer so he left lol"

"After I undress you with my eyes I redress you with my eyes because it's still January so it's super cold out and I have considerate eyes."

"I call my penis the bogeyman.. Because it's the reason children cry at night."

"I refused to buy my 5yo a tablet, and now she's resorted to hand-drawing angry emojis on pieces of paper to express her frustration."

"last year, I asked Santa for the sexiest person ever for Christmas.... I woke up in a box."

"Gerald: ""Have you ever come across a man who at the slightest touch caused you to thrill and tremble in every fiber of your being?"" Mabel: ""Yes the dentist."""

"I'm so bored with life, I've decided to read the Oxford English Dictionary from start to finish. I'm past caring."

"At best, I think I could be a Third Responder."

"Reddit is a lot like my fridge. I check it constantly, even though I know nothing has changed."

"A subscription to *Time* is not the most difficult concept to get your head around. I've told you: *Time* and *Time* again."