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Joke of the Day

"Saying 'Do you want to kiss me as much as I want to kiss you?' only works in the movies and not with strangers at Sports Authority"

"I used to have a Viagra addiction. It was the hardest part of my life."

"What has 3 legs and 3 eyes? Three pirates"

"A seal walks into a bar A seal walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender asks the seal, ""What's your pleasure?"" The seal replies, ""Anything but Canadian Club."""

"My wife is like a hurricane... At the beginning there was a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end I lost my house."

"What was Confucius' favorite comfort food? Macaroni and Qi."

"At the office, my colleague had her computer on with an unsaved document. I looked at her in the eyes and told her I'd tap that s with control."

"What's similar between a 9v battery and an asshole? Your tongue ends up on it even though you know it's wrong."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cannelloni ! Cannelloni who ? Cannelloni some money till next week ?"

"Leonardo DiCaprio is totally getting laid tonight! This has nothing to do with the Oscar, just a safe assumption to make each and every day."