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Joke of the Day

"The oral sex with my imaginary girlfriend is mind-blowing."

"What do you do if you accidentally cut off your cat's tail? Take him to WalMart. They are the largest retailer in the world."

"When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says."

"While falling down an enclosed space that leads to the laundry room, two heterosexual cats hugged eachother in love embracing themselves before their death. It was CHUTE!"

"Did you hear about the guy that ran into a window? He was in a lot of pane."

"My neighbors are having a terrible fight in the front yard. I mean hanging Christmas lights. Same."

"Sex is like Poker... If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand!"

"*admires David at the museum* I can't believe a teenage mutant ninja turtle sculpted this"

"the most boring thing to be pretentious about is how u were into something good before a popular thing showed everyone else that good thing"

"The guys and I are heading into town. Gonna hit a few bars, a strip club, and then, MAYBE... ...the Museum."