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Joke of the Day

"the most boring thing to be pretentious about is how u were into something good before a popular thing showed everyone else that good thing"

"My penis and I are really good friends but... We've never really seen eye to eye"

"How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? What suppressive told you to change the light bulb? Report to Ethics immediately!"

"I thought I defeated this dragon, but he's been following me around... I beat him off with a sword"

"[OC] Did you hear the one about the douchebag bodybuilder with the anal fissure? He's one ripped asshole."

"How are socks like Boy Scouts? They always come pre-paired."

"""I wish there were something like coffee, but faster-acting,"" he thought, before remembering that it already exists and ruins your life."

"What do a hot girl and my little toe have in common? I bang them both on my coffee table at night."

"How do you kill a hipster? Push them into the mainstream and watch them tumblr"

"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the empire state building? Nope, but it sure can jump higher than the twin towers."