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Joke of the Day

"When I get a headache, I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says."

"What do you call drunken cunnilingus? Lick'er."

"Question: How many men does it take to mop the floor? Answer: None it's a women's job."

"Mugger: ""Hand over your card and give me your PIN number!"" Me: ""My personal identification number number?"" *he stabs me*"

"What is the new LGBT flavor enhancer for cunnilingus? (wait for it ... wait for it ...) creme brulee"

"How many ""suh dude""s does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. It's already lit fam"

"Hear about the guy who had a fetish for Christmas? He was fucking crackers."

"Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field."

"Whenever I start telling a procrastination joke, it's more satisfying to tell a deadpan one instead."

"I've discovered the best way to get attention is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly."