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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dry, moldy cranberry and an angry blue bird? One's a crazy heron, the other's a hairy Craisin. ^^^^^Credit ^^^^^to ^^^^^my ^^^^^wife."

"I lost the birth video of my son so I'm at the labour ward hoping to recreate it. I'll just zoom in close so my wife won't be able to tell."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl using the restroom? Because they're extinct"

"In olden times it is reported that sacrifices were made at the altar. Since then weddings have been held there and times haven't changed at all!"

"Why did the bee go to the doctor? Because he had hives Badum tsh"

"A woman with a lazy eye was having an affair.. They said she was seeing someone on the side."

"If I want to check instructions and it's in Spanish, .. .. am I checking a Manuel?"

"What do you call an anorexic.. What do you call an anorexic chick with a yeast infection? Quarter-pounder with cheese"

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish shepherd? Mick Jagger yells ""Hey! You! Get off my cloud!"" The shepherd yells ""Hey! McLeod! Get off my ewe!"""

"I've heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour. But that can't be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds."