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Joke of the Day

"I've heard that 1 in 3 people have a pedophile as a neighbour. But that can't be right because my neighbours are sexy 5 and 7 year olds."

"I love salad! Just wish it had the taste & texture of pizza."

"What was sonic's diet advice to mario? Gotta go fast"

"Why did they have to stop playing water-polo in Poland? All the horses drowned"

"She says she only drinks wine to collect corks for her Pinterest project, which is pretty cool cause it looks like she's building a castle."

"Back in LA who wants to make plans & cancel them & talk about rescheduling but never do then just like each other's FB post to keep it cool"

"Banned an 80 year old man for life from attending NBA games. What's that? Like maybe 10 years?"

"If you're going through Hell, keep going."

"My cousin, who's a karate expert, joined the Army. First time he saluted he nearly killed himself."

"High school plays are a lot like airplanes. People only want to hear about them if they crash and burn."