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Joke of the Day

"Why is Kim Jong Un a terrible leader? [removed]"

"The lord said to Abraham, ""Come forth and I'll give you eternal life."" Abraham came fifth. He won a toaster."

"What do you call a Dadaist fabric? Man Rayon"

"My girlfriend called me a pedophile I was impressed, that is a big word for a two year old. I'll see myself out...."

"Why does Britain like tea so much? Because tea leaves."

"I didn't get my period this month or any month prior to that. If I'm pregnant my parents will flip. Also science, science will also flip."

"I took a ""Paint with Wine"" class. The instructor was really impressed with how well I handled my wine."

"A spider crawled across my leg while I was driving and of course that fcuker survived the crash."

"Ted Nugent predicted Ted Nugent would be dead or in jail by now... which is just one more thing Ted Nugent is wrong about. (Jokes for the week of 4/13-4/19 @fridayupdate on twitter.)"

"I wanna see Le Pan Quotidien fight Au Bon Pain in a pretentious chain restaurant cage match & the winner gets to fight Pret-a-Manger."