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Joke of the Day

"[Nsfw] What's the difference between a dead baby and a cantaloupe? I don't fuck a cantaloupe before I eat it."

"I'm sorry I slapped you but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked."

"When people ask me if I'm working hard or hardly working, I wanna punch them in the face and ask if they're hurting hard or hardly hurting."

"The Story of Volcanos God: Ok, how about a mountain.. Angel: We got mountains. God: Lemme finish. That shits fire. Angel: Metal. *fist bump*"

"Why should you separate something into 62 parts if you want to make it tiny? Because sixty-seconds=minute."

"What did the network engineer give to his fiancee? A token ring."

"What did the duck say after it split the atom ? Quark ! Quark !"

"What are Benedict Cumberbatch's fans called? Cumberbitches."

"Ferguson shoe store broken into and looted everything but the work boots section."

"Q. Where can you dance in California? A. San Fran-disco"