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Joke of the Day

"What's another word for ""thesaurus""? Steven Wright joke, iirc."

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her again it was a pretty big clock."

"You want people to leave you alone? Carry a clip board and try to make eye contact."

"What was the Russian mohel's name? Borris Kutchyakockoff"

"My teacher was pointing a ruler at me an said, ""There's an idiot at the end of this ruler!"" I got detention after asking which end."

"Hubs proposed to me with a really cool flash mob and a medley of Nirvana hits. JK. He was like, ""I wanna marry you."" And I was like, ""K."""

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"i wonder what it's like to be the pizzagate gun guy and discover that your former comrades now believe that you're a crisis actor"

"What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes? Shut up."

"Can electrocution get someone jail time? I'm not sure, but they'd definitely be charged"