199814

Joke of the Day

"I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather.. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car."

"Empty brain A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn't rush to my feet. Why is this? B: It's because your feet aren't empty."

"I told my dog to sit . . . . . . but he half-assed it."

"Did you listen to that song by the Muslim artist? It was like, the bomb!"

"The Starbucks in my town just hired a Jewish barista... He brews."

"Hitler took a quiz... He didn't do that well on most of the questions, but he got the third reich."

"There was a knock in my door ""Who's there?"" ""Police"" ""Get out, I didn't call police, I called whores"" ""Your neighbors called us"" ""Let them fuck you then"""

"Always wash your clothes in tide Because it's way too cold out-tide"

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl use a urinal? Because the p is silent."

"What do you call a fake spaghetti? An impasta"