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Joke of the Day

"I clocked this beautiful woman earlier. I'll probably never see her again it was a pretty big clock."

"No one has 99 problems. That's so many problems."

"Bakers trade bread recipes... on a knead-to-know basis."

"My friend got drunk and thinks he had sex with a prostitute... At first he wasn't sure, but then he was *positive*."

"WHY *smack* DON'T *smack* YOU *smack* JUST *smack* USE *smack* THE *smack* RETWEET *smack* BUTTON?"

"Look, this is the only body I'll ever have and that is why I'm covering it in a thick layer of fat to protect it."

"Just threw out my one night stand. There were termites."

"The most popular car brands are German, Japanese, and Italian. It's like losing WW2 is a prerequisite for making good autos."

"Did you hear about the blind guy who got in a car accident? He regained his sight in ICU."

"*aggressively keeps eye contact with attractive people to let them know I mean business*"