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Joke of the Day

"I was asked how I view lesbian relationships Apparently 'in HD' isn't the correct answer."

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, agnostic and an insomniac? A person who stays up all night contemplating the existence of dog."

"If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day 365 days a year why are there locks on the doors?"

"When you have to poop so bad it comes out just as you reach the toilet... That's the shit I don't like."

"Screw you, Burger King, if you really wanted me to have it ""MY way"" you'd have added alcohol to your menu."

"What's the difference between a baloon and a condom? When a balloon pops - there's one less. When a condom pops - there's one more. Or more."

"How school works: In class: 2+2=4 Homework: 2+4+2=8 Exam: John had 4 apples.He eats one and gives one to a friend. Calculate the Sun's mass."

"Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect."

"[in car with wife] ""did you take $20 from my purse?"" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*"

"Why are Pokemon terrible to play hide and seek with? Because they pikachu"