221816

Joke of the Day

"TIFU by accidentally benching our star player on the last inning... Whoops, wrong sub"

"When I think of you, I touch myself. With my finger. In the back of my throat to help me vomit because you make me nauseous."

"""Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."""

"Why wife accused me of being a transvestite. So I packed her things and left."

"I just drilled a bunch of holes It was a lot of boring work."

"Never go to target in a red shirt. I was holding my kid and someone asked for help. Like yea just let me finish stocking the toddlers first."

"Why did the woman turn to her husband and say ""now who the hell would dump such a nice sofa out here in the woods?"" She was looking at a bear and thought it was a sofa due to the four legs."

"If i had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive.. they'd eventually find me attractive."

"No thank you GPS. I have this magic ring on my left hand that connects me to the nice young lady in the passenger's seat who knows everything."

"What's a space pirate's favorite planet? mArrrs!"