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Joke of the Day

"You're not really a parent until you swat blindly into the backseat, hoping to connect with a kid."

"What do you call a gay guy flying a plane? The pilot."

"What Do you Call a Bowler that drops his ball a lot? Gutterfingers!"

"sometimes if i'm having trouble falling asleep i just pretend i'm watching lord of the rings"

"Why did Mr. Steaks decide he would take his wife's surname? Because he didn't want his daughters to be called Ms. Steaks."

"What's the best part about fucking 28 year olds? There's 20 of em'"

"Why should you never run in front of a bus? You will get tired."

"What do you call an incredibly flexible chicken with an alien wristwatch? Bent Hen."

"Protip: If you're bad at geography and someone asks about an obscure country just say ""isn't that where the oiled up Olympics guy is from?"""

"[24hr news channel] news just in.. *director repeats himself into headset* news justin *justin just sits there* READ THE NEWS JUSTIN"