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Joke of the Day

"I wondered why everyone said I had ""bed hair"", until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head."

"When jokes go to parties, where do they wait for drinks? In the punchlines."

"""Vodka, Sambuca, Tequila, Jager!"" I'm calling the shots."

"I finally got my first interview since moving to the US. Almost able to say something more romantic to the GF than ""you're out of batteries"""

"Wanna hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it."

"I got all my coworkers condoms and bibles for Valentines Day because I'm praying they get laid"

"Why did the Soviets implement 5 year plans instead of 4 year plans? 'Cuz they were stalin'!"

"""Honey, let's have a baby."" - a cannibal couple discussing dinner plans."

"I went to band camp and all I got was... This shirt that said: I'll Allegro your vibrato!"

"What do eagles and moles have in common? They both fly, except for the mole..."