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Joke of the Day

"I finally got my first interview since moving to the US. Almost able to say something more romantic to the GF than ""you're out of batteries"""

"Just heard this one at the pub: What do you call a monkey with a suicide vest? Ba***boom!*** ^(Don't worry, I kicked him out the door.)"

"Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house? No? Well, it's really nice."

"""Mom, do you have time to play Crazy 8's?"" ""No I'm making dinner, I don't have the time to learn a new game right now."" ""It's not new, it was made in the 1960's"""

"Doctor... can I bathe with diarrhea? Hmm, yes if you shit enough..."

"Why did the spy steal the laptop? It had a sticker that said 'intel inside'."

"It's raining, It's pouring... I really should be snoring. I cleared my head with sudafed I won't get to sleep until morning. (I know, I know, it's not really a joke because it's true)"

"I shaved my head the other day... At first I hated the look, but it's starting to grow on me."

"A man is getting a prostate exam... During the exam, the man asks the doctor, ""Is there anything I should be worrying about?"" The doctor says, ""Only if you can feel both my hands on your shoulders."""

"What does Usain Bolt do when he misses the bus? He waits at the next station"