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Joke of the Day

"Will we just know how to play the harp in heaven, or do we need to arrange lessons beforehand?"

"What is a mouse's favourite game ? Hide and squeak !"

"I finally had to tell the dog he was adopted."

"Sorry Windows. The only thing a ""strong"" password will do is lock me out of my own computer when drunk. 1234 it is."

"I can't cook. My strategy for operating the oven is basically the same as my strategy for sex I do my best to turn it on, then I stick my stuff in and hope for the best."

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"KID: *falls out of tree* I'm fine ADULT: *sleeps on neck a little strangely* I have to turn my whole body to look at you for the next week"

"If you could pick any superhero name and power, what would they be? My name would be ""Dad"" and my power would be *invisibility*..."

"How do you make a cat go ""Woof!""? Soak it in petrol and put a match to it. (This is a joke, not and instruction, Reddit)"

"adult coping mechanisms: drinking, Netflix, pretending nothing's wrong"