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Joke of the Day

"I was looking at the fruit in the bowl, thinking... How the fuck did I end up with a gay goldfish..."

"What did the pirate say when his kids were about to watch their favorite cartoon? ARE YE READY KIDS?!"

"Which nut could pimp the Prince of Darkness? Mack-a-Dameon."

"Her; My phones dead let me use yours Me; (throws phone out car window) oh I must of left it at home"

"How does Pinocchio's father know when his son tells a lie? He just nose it."

"Lost and confused in an helicopter"

"I wonder how people who are tired of working in the jade business describe their attitude."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? ""Its a really obscure number. You've probably never heard of it."""

"The best joke of them all You."

"I made this girl fall in love with me textually. She said she wanted to # me @ her place."