2212

Joke of the Day

"Just ate the last slice of pizza and I wish there was more. Suddenly all of Taylor Swifts songs make sense to me."

"How do you make Lady Gaga cry? You kill her family."

"An amazing talking dog"

"My resume is really just a list of shit I hope I never have to do again."

"Fact: if you drop a penny from a skyscraper it can kill someone on the street? It's true, I'm still glad I went with a bowling ball though"

"How did they know Christa McAuliffe had dandruff? They found her head and shoulders on the beach"

"If I were a superhero, I'd be Pizza Man. My one-liners would be cheesy, and I'd save you in 30 min or less, or your next criminal is free."

"I got into a fight with my erection this morning. I beat it single handedly."

"Life is like art done in chalk, beautiful but temporary, enjoy it while possible."

"I have the body of an 20 year old... ...but it's starting to stink up my basement so I'm thinking I'm gonna burn it."