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Joke of the Day

"Mind Blown. Girls=Time and Money Because Time=Money Girls=Money (squared) Since Money is the root of all evil square root the squared Money Therefore Girls=Root of all evil"

"Instead of laughing my ass off, I'm going to start laughing my stomach off. I'd rather lose that."

"An Asian girl walks up to me in a bar. She says ***""Sex sex sex, free sex tonight!""*** Apparently she was giving me her number."

"What do you call an obese terrorist? Osama Bin Eating"

"Me: This is the year I'm going to save money. Also me: *googles, ""how to purchase a baby elephant?""*"

"5yo: Why is he crying? Me: That's a teardrop tattoo. 5: Oh. Did he shank someone in prison? M: What? 5: Remind him I want extra guacamole."

"How do you compliment a scarecrow? Tell him he's outstanding in his field!"

"Mommy, I wrote some notes down in my diarrhea. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary."

"White people be loving the shit out of fall foliage."

"It's a hard life being a window... Everyone can see right through you"