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Joke of the Day

"Mommy, I wrote some notes down in my diarrhea. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary. Please let her mean diary."

"*throws plate of Kraft Mac and Cheese at wall* I TOLD YOU I CAN'T EAT SPICY FOOD"

"What sound does a shotgun make? Cobain Cobain"

"What's Helen Keller's favorite color? Corduroy."

"I was shopping with my wife the other day and saw a TV on sale for $20... It said that the volume was stuck on full. I looked at my wife and said ""I can't turn this one down!"""

"What do you call a homesick Asian? Disoriented"

"What does Batman do on Father's Day? He oh..."

"A PhD in Fencing would be pretty useful... ... if you ever had a backgarden dispute with a neighbor."

"I like vegans! I meant vagina's!"

"Wife: My mom is watching our kids for the night. Me: Oh, baby. Do you know what we can do? *falls asleep at 7 p.m.*"