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Joke of the Day

"i failed a piss test at work you guys. Yeah, I made a poop instead! Hahahaha"

"""Did you guys see me get so mad I flipped a table?"" Yes Tony, we saw it. You're 46. You have to stop taking your skateboard to restaurants."

"If I check out your blog, what will you do for me? Love me? Ok fine, but you're telling my mom we're going out."

"What's the difference between a peeping Tom and a pickpocket? One snatches watches and the other..."

"My girlfriend's angry because I got drunk and did a shit on the roof. Please tell me, how can I wipe the slate clean?"

"i wish everything was made out of pizza i'd be like hey bro sorry I ate your pizza car and pizza house and pizza wife."

"Where do American bees store their honey? In a USBee hive. ~Thank my ten year old for that one."

"Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand."

"forget about gun laws, there needs to be more focus on who can own an acoustic guitar"

"""I used to work at a fire hydrant factory."" ""You couldn't park anywhere *near* the place!"" -Steven Wright"