22061

Joke of the Day

"Look... don't end your presentation with ""Are there any questions?"" & then get all pissy when I ask if you can ride a unicycle."

"It's 2010, why oh why must my laundry still be segregated?"

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight stars. Goodnight 4,000-year-old Earth. Goodnight dinosaur fossils that were put here to test our faith."

"You have no idea how hard it is to find a greeting card for your wife that says, ""I don't remember where I left the baby."""

"They probably could have called lightbulbs, just ""bulbs"". Most people would still get it."

"I only know 25 letters of the alphabet... I don't know why."

"Why did the ""upright man"", a humanoid species, went extinct 70.000 years ago? Because they got homo e-rekt-us."

"I don't understand women... I thought opening the door was the right thing to do, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane..."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a caterpillar and a parrot? A: A walkie-talkie."

"*destroys head of lettuce* *becomes new ruler of all lettuces*"