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Joke of the Day

"Beam me up Scottie! I'm not sure how to work this thing. I have nothing interesting to start with. Maybe a funny joke...Knock Knock!............must have been the wind."

"Me: Baby-proofed the house like you wanted Wife: Ya? Me: Ya. Locks, fence, barbed wire, the works Her:.. Me: No way a baby's gettin in here."

"If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?"

"I if I had a Gender for every... World war"

"CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy"

"When I drink alcohol, everyone says that I'm an alcoholic. But when I drink Fanta, no one says that I'm Fantastic."

"What's the hardest part about breaking up with a Japanese girlfriend? Having to drop the bomb twice before she gets it."

"How do you titillate an ocelot? You oscillate its tit a lot!"

"What's the difference between a pothead and a gay Muslim? Potheads get stoned by choice."

"The Vietnamese world domination: one nail salon at a time."