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Joke of the Day

"CW: if you repeatedly see a cardinal, it's the spirit of a loved one. I think that's my mom Me: that's nice. Your mom just shit on that guy"

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"Jurassic Park Jurassic Park II Jurassic Park III Jurassic Park IIII Jurassic Park IIIII [this fence is taking forever]"
"you think YOU'RE tired. I'm even MORE tired for the reasons I'm about to list. This is a competition for some reason."
"Private Manning will never get away with it! Corporal Klinger didn't"
"What does a bee do with his stinger at night? Put it in his honey."
"[flirting w/girl at bar] And that's why [takes sip from elephant sippy cup] I always use a sippy cup [lid falls off and spills juice on me]"
"Why is it expensive to be a criminal? Because the police charge you."
"my Doctor told me i have to stop masturbating... ...because he cant concentrate i heard this a few years ago its probably been posted before but its pretty funny so enjoy :)"
"Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he neverlands."
"Waiter: Can I get you something to drink? Me: just cheese dip Waiter: .... Me: With a straw please"