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Joke of the Day

"How does it feel to crash a rental car? It Hertz."

"So say some animals *were* injured in the making of a film. Is that listed in the credits or what? ""Bob hurt one bird. He's very sorry."""

"Sometimes I want to kidnap a few woman for two to three weeks so that their eyebrows can grow without fear"

"9: ""Mom, that's a pretty necklace. Can I have it?"" Me: ""No, I got it as a gift."" 9: ""Well, can I have it when you die, then?"""

"I think a duck's opinion of me, is very much influenced by whether or not I have bread!"

"The doctors all doubted me. They all thought I couldn't do it. They said I couldn't fight them all at once and well, they were 100% right"

"What does a sheep in denial say? Nahhhh"

"If a firefighters business can go up in smoke, and a plumbers business can go down the drain,..... Can a hooker get laid off?"

"Why did the hipster only listen to dead musicians? So he could say he listened to them when they were underground."

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard & they're like ""How did your milkshake develop a gravitational pull that was gender specific?"""