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Joke of the Day

"If I were Spock, I would spend 24 hours a day saying things like ""get out of my Vulcan face"" and ""are you Vulcan kidding me?"""

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl peeing? Because the p is silent. Yes. My 9 year old cracked me up with that just now."

"New fast food chain in Germany Apparently is called ""In-and-Auschwitz Burgers."" The slogan is ""Bacon isn't the only thing cookin in the oven!"""

"[sitting at a table] Wife: writes number on paper and slides it across. Me: crosses out and writes new number *thermostat negotiations*"

"Tom Cruise has signed on for Mission Impossible IV. His impossible mission is trying not to show up on everyone's gaydar."

"What did one orphan say to the other? Robin, Get the batmobile!"

"What's a feminists least favorite Pokemon? Abra!"

"Why couldn't the bike stand up? It was too tired."

"""Hold the mayo"" is my ""shaken, not stirred."""

"Did you say that you fell over fifty feet but didn't hurt yourself? Yes - I was trying to get to the back of the bus."