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Joke of the Day

"While drinking my afternoon coffee, I oftentimes stare out the window... and ask myself: Would prison be all that bad?"

"Every month I clean my shower with an ammonia based solution... ... Which is ironic because ammonia is what made it dirty in the first place."

"A farmer won a million dollars playing the lottery, he was really excited looking at his bank account... ...it now showed zero dollars."

"How many Creationists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? God."

"A knock knock joke I made up when I was 5. Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Amanda. ""Amanda who?"" A man, duh. (Thought it was hilarious at the time.)"

"When Kate Middleton goes into labor, the doctor will say ""the baby is crowning!"" and they'll laugh and laugh"

"""Hi, I'm calling for info on your bicycle on Craigslist."" It's heavy, brown, has new shoes, and loves carrots. It's definitely not a horse."

"Hate when the cop is like, ""Sir, have you been petting kittens?"" and I say, ""I petted a few..."" as I open the car door and kittens spill out"

"Have you heard of the corduroy pillow? It's making headlines everywhere."

"Have you ever been to an Istanbul nightclub? I hear they're poppin' and a good place to get wasted!"