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Joke of the Day

"Why did Obama get two terms? Because black men always get a longer sentence"

"Today, I started on my second million dollars! I gave up on my first."

"Doctor doctor I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks."

"[In a seahorse home] Son: Dad? Dad: Yes? Son: Happy M- Dad: DON'T Son: Moth- Dad: STOP Son: HAPPY MOTHERS DAY *Dad bangs head on desk*"

"Last week I fought for a woman's honor Apparently she wanted to keep it."

"What is the female equivalent of a sausage fest? A clam bake edit: You guys are ridiculous, thanks for the steady stream of laughs"

"Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill. Besides, the FBI has been fingering her for a while now."

"A group of IPhones walk into a bar Bartender: Get out! IPhones: Why? Bartender: I know you don't have any money! IPhones: How? Bartender: Because all you Apple products lost your Jobs years ago!"

"If Mary gave birth to Jesus & Jesus is the lamb of God, then did Mary have a little lamb?"

"What does a guy who can predict the lottery numbers 99% of the time have in common with the letters C, D, G, H, J, K, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, T, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z? They're not infallible"