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Joke of the Day

"Doctor doctor I think I've been bitten by a vampire. Drink this glass of water. Will it make me better? No but I'll be able to see if your neck leaks."

"My son approaches even small chores with the enthusiasm of a POW forced to build a railway bridge over the river Kwai."

"Pele sees a pretty woman at a bar. He approaches her and says ""You're very pretty. Fancy coming back to my place?"" The woman says ""My, you're a little forward."""

"WINSTON CHURCHILL: ""The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."" ONE-LEGGED MAN WHO BARELY SURVIVED A SHARK ATTACK: ""Yeah... and sharks"""

"In British Columbia, why can't you take a picture of a man with a wooden leg? Because he wooden like it."

"My wife ran away with my best friend. I haven't met him yet."

"you know what really turns on a nerd? unprotected wifi"

"Yo mama so fat, they're gonna put the movie in two parts."

"Did you hear about the man who died of a viagra overdose? They couldn't close his coffin."

"Two Goldfish Are Sitting In A Tank One turns to the other and says ""I'll man the guns, you drive"""