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Joke of the Day

"Hillary Clinton is a strong woman who doesn't need Bill. Besides, the FBI has been fingering her for a while now."

"Don't bother giving kids a hard time for saying lol while they're speaking if you came from an era when hardy-har-har was a thing."

"Baby if you were a fruit - you'd be a fine-apple. But if you were a vegetable, I'd visit you in hospital."

"I once knew two ranchers named Jim.... They had a thousand cattle between them. One night while unwaken. Their cattle were taken. My Jimmy's were rustled, shagrin."

"I say no to gay marriage. It'll end up leading to gay divorce, and that'll be bitchy."

"What is a childs's favourite type of Halloween candy? Lots a candy."

"My mom once got drunk and stabbed me because I look like my Father... Just kidding, she shot me. But hey, the past is the past. She's sober now and I can finally walk again."

"My wife asked me... ...if I could eat her pussy when she got home from work. Later in the evening she asked me why I never ate her pussy. To which I replied ""What do you think was in the stew?"""

"I thought getting a vasectomy would stop my wife from getting pregnant Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby"

"The restaurant scene from When Harry Met Sally, but just me getting a pat down from airport security."