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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dick and a joke? You can't take a joke ( )"

"I've got an Uncle Rube. I mean he's really my mother's sister's roommate's friend's hairdresser's step-dad, but the effect is the same."

"""I like Trump because he isn't a politician."" Right, because whenever my toilet breaks I call my electrician."

"What's the rule for Twitter crushes? So far I'm in love with 800 women, 2 dudes, and a llama. Send condoms."

"Sometimes I like to lie on the kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb."

"How did David Copperfield get HIV? From doing Magic."

"Facial scrubs with bits of fruit in them are a pretty big ""fuck you!"" to third world countries."

"What did Sushi A say to Sushi B WASSABI"

"Wife just instructed me on the best way to trim my beard. So now I'm explaining to her the proper way to change a tampon."

"My coworker got third-degree burns on his tongue. I was going to make a joke about it, but decided it would be in poor taste."