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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I like to lie on the kitchen floor and pretend I'm a crumb."

"Every girl on Tumblr smells like Chapstick and cats."

"Autocorrect changed fries to friend and I think I've offered to eat my friend. I'm not sure if I should clarify, or see where it goes."

"What do you call a dog with no hind legs and metal balls? Sparky"

"CANADIAN: im a canadian DATE: cool i've never met a comedian befor CANADIAN: [is too polite to corect them, dedicates entire life to comedy]"

"What do you call an angry toilet? Pissed off"

"How do you figure out which contestant in a Ms. America pageant is a prostitute? Look for the one with the sash that says ""I da ho""."

"Cheesy joke What did the big cheese round say to the baby cheese round? Getting older isn't going to make you the big cheese."

"opinion=ass Opinion is like anal orifice. Everyone has it."

"A chef, a clockmaker, and a thief walk into a bar, but the bartender says he doesn't get the joke. They all say, ""It's okay, these things take thyme."""