21972

Joke of the Day

"I've made 20,000 tweets. And I've never tried to sell you anything except the idea that tampon jokes are funny."

"Blowjobs are like paying your taxes. If you don't do it, you are going to be fucked."

"When I watch The Walking Dead I can't help but think those zombies are in way better shape than me."

"Why don't they allow lesbians to play baseball? When they get to third base they think they've scored"

"""How did the blind girl explain her pregnancy?"" She said she didn't see him coming"

"Therapist sighs, sets down glasses, rubs the bridge of his nose. ""For the last time, Christy, eating ham is not a life plan."""

"The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie."

"Everybody who believes in telekinesis raise MY right hand."

".@LAPD My wife made hazelnut ""coffee"" with my coffee maker. Send all available units."

"Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven acht nein."