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Joke of the Day

"The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie."

"Psychiatrists say girls tend to marry men like their fathers. That is probably the reason mothers cry at weddings."

"Your honor, may I approach the bench? Judge: You may *benches 200lbs in 3 sets of 20 reps* The defense rests"

"If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them."

"Welfare is like diabetes If Momma had it, her babies probably will too"

"Life is like a dozen roses... it's full of pricks!"

"Every car should also have a second, super gas light so you know when you actually need gas."

"The cops arrested my phone yesterday. They charged it with battery."

"How do people lose their kids at the mall? Seriously, any tips would be greatly appreciated."

"Wife was talking for a while so I pulled out my iPod & played her off award show style. This did not go over as well as I hoped."