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Joke of the Day

"The Scots are updating the perception of traditional Scottish fare. Oatmeal porridge will now be known as a Highland Smoothie."

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"DAD: I can't believe you bought me a house for Christmas SON: I hope you enjoy it DAD: I'm just gonna... SON: Oh no DAD: Live in the present"
"why did the scarecrow get a promotion? he was out-standing in his field."
"Abstinence makes the arm grow stronger... at least one of them anyway."
"Knock Knock. Who's There? Not Comcast."
"I have two requests for my funeral 1) be scattered at Disney Land 2) not to be cremated"
"Whew, good thing there's a facebook petition for ending the shutdown, or else we'd be in real trouble."
"If you told Alexander Hamilton that the online lottery to see his rap musical was unavailable due to server overload, he'd be like, ""WITCH!"""
"weekend plans: -solitude -cheese"
"My husband's new prescription glasses is not working He still can't see things my way. ^Credits ^to ^the ^original ^twitter ^post."
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