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Joke of the Day

"A man walks up to a woman at a bar... ""Hey baby, how about tonight we try the 68 position?"" ""What's that?"" ""You give me a blowjob, and I'll owe you 1"""

"I treat women like I do numbers.... If they're under 16, do them in your head."

"Wanna screw with your idiot friends on Facebook? Post that Obama passed a law to stay in office a third term this morning. Praise Jesus."

"Don't call me ""Dad"", please call me by my professional title, ""Half-Eaten Food Connoisseur Broken Toy Engineer Butt-Wipeologist""."

"""Mom, I'm sorry I'm not a doctor."" -Me ""It's okay if you're not a doctor, or anything else."" -Mom So true, much wow, no shock."

"Opinions are like assholes.. Everybody's got one; Most of them aren't that pretty; and No one needs another one."

"when the doctor starts putting on latex gloves at your next physical, a fun thing to do is to whip out your own pair & put them on too"

"2015 was an odd year It will all even out this year though"

"Why did the mermaid wear SeaShells? Because she outgrew her B-Shells. Ha..."

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? Use a lubricant"